Gone with the wind

It’s Monday, January 13, 2014.  The total happiness from this weekend is gone with the wind.  It’s probably ran off with sun for a romantic spa week because of both of them are gone today.  The clouds have been keeping us damp and chilled, though it at least gave us a fifty degree temperature.

So today was… I don’t know.  It started out like a normal Monday.  I was tired and sore after trying to ride after practically a week off of riding(And of course, the best kind of riding to do after a break? Jumping, of course).  Kate was in a ‘bleh, let’s say hi for two minutes and then sleep the whole bus ride’.  I was too.  Well at lunch, I sat my things down and mentioned a few things she had missed after she left the formal.  She laughed.  I ran to my locker to grab some books.  

Well, when I came back, she had moved the rest of the table to a different table.  I walked over and wanted to know what the hell was going on.  She tried to just shut up and ignore me.  The only words I could get out of her was something along the lines of “I don’t have to tell you.”  

As much as I shouldn’t have, I said something.  I tried to figure out what the hell she was mad about and couldn’t.  So I said, and I quote, “You can go fuck yourself.”  I walked away, went to the library and found a distraction in finishing my science homework due the next period.  Boy Chris was also a good distraction, since he joined me in homework and gave me some kind of company.  

Afterwards, I tried to talk to Sammy, and Jer and it was awkward to say the least.  They kind of talked to me, but only the bare minimum.  As if to not be rude, but still not talk to me.  Sammy had chosen her side.  Sade was also joining sides (though we don’t get along anyway so…)  Jer wouldn’t talk to both of us.  He seemed to feel like he had to chose a side.  He looked like he had begun his journey through his own dark woods similar to what I am doing now.  

I asked him, over text, if Kate said anything after I left.  His answer of “No” leads me to believe that she did.  Sammy had chosen a side.  Sade had chosen a side.  It would seem as though everyone knew what I did wrong.  Except me.  

I wasn’t about to ask anyone to join my side because this wasn’t their argument, as much as Kate seemed to think it was.  

Unfortunately, I can feel my dark thoughts coming again.  It’s not that I need friends.  But what bothers me is that I would trust someone knowing they were assholes.  It just… I don’t know.  I miss my real friends.  Amanda, Riley, N-Ridge.  The ones that have never turned their backs on me.

I really hate this sense of loneliness…

Tomorrow, I’m going to hug my pony so hard for an hour if I have to.  

See you all tomorrow!  Hope you're having a better day than I... Care to share?  We can all talk out our problems!

Instructor says: "I'm mocking you! Better make it better!"

So I read a quote about the New Year.  It went something along the lines of:

“Today [New year's day] is the first page of 365 page book.”

I just kind of liked that haha.  Well, I figure I can just write myself a little book.  Or at least, I will attempt to do so.  For example, it’s actually January 12th.  This is my birthday of course.  I will get to that.  Let me just give a little catch up/Update. Just get used to this not exactly happening on an everyday basis. Do forgive me.

I have no resolution about getting healthy or weight loss like most people seem too.  I’d love to shed some pounds and convince myself to pick up a salad when I want a bag of chips.  But… That’s going to be really hard.  So I decided I would set an easy, yet kind of difficult resolution.

My New Year’s resolution this year is to attend the ODS (Ohio Dressage Society) Year End Awards 2014.  I want to have a wonderful and successful show season/year with my cute  golden pony, Avalon.  At first, I kind of wanted to go for a champion youth or horse award for intro class but I decided just to come home with some ribbons.  Though, I won’t complain if we get some kind of champion award ;D.

Anyway, 2013 was quite a year.  In January, I first met Annie.  I had to humbly explain how I wanted to work at her barn, with absolutely no horse experience whatsoever.  I simply had spunk, a little enthusiasm, and a willingness to learn.  It got me pretty far apparently.  I’ve been riding for a year now and supposedly I’ve gotten pretty far (or so Annie keeps saying).  Annie told me just the other day that she was worried she would never find someone as good as Chris.  And that I was sure as heck a good choice.

So anyway, my birthday was awesome!  My sisters tried to plan a surprise party (which ended up no being a surprise).  My mom actually wrote on the North Wind Stables' barn page as you can see...

It brought a good laugh at the very least.

But they brought cake.  And it was really nice but I didn't get a picture!!  Yeah, I know, what is wrong with me?  It reaaally looked handmade but that's okay.  She mad a chocolate paint pallet and it made the whole cake.  They also brought ice cream (my favorite thing in winter for some strange reason).

Then, on total coincidence, Maddy brought delicious shreaded pork and chicken, chips, and another cake!  And Chris brought my Christmas/birthday present.  It was the book George Morris teaches beginners to ride.  Which I have happily finished reading and enjoyed.

My ride on Athos was quite interesting that day.  Because of Christmas and this crazy polar vortex thing, I had pretty much a week of no-riding.  So what better way to start again than jumping?  It was pretty bad so I didn't actually go over a jump.  It involved Chris shouting "I'm mocking you!  Better make it better!"  It was very beautiful.

My ride on Avalon was much better.  He has been doing a lot of bolting and other naughty things since winter has started.  Well I hoped on him on my birthday and he was perfectly happy.  He was in his summer brain (even if only for a day).  He was the horse that I first met when we decided to buy him haha.  He was goey, but using his brain.  I didn't stay on long, because Jamie (who is a much better rider than I and our farrier's daughter) got on him for fiveish minutes.  And man, did Avalon look good!

I was very happy with him.  And I'm glad he's feeling better physically and mentally.

I had a happy birthday, indeed!!

Anyway, I shall see you guys tomorrow (in theory).